Assemble your ingredients: thick-cut bacon (1pkg), sourdough or white bread (1 loaf), Sriracha, mayo, rice vinegar (.5cup), sugar (.5cup), cilantro, a lemon, and an English cucumber.

Step 1: Bake

Lay the bacon out on a baking sheet and throw it in the oven at 400deg for ~12mins, until the bacon is about 80% cooked (don't worry if you failed pork algebra, it's hard to eff this up).

Step 2: Boil

While the bacon's bakin', throw a half cup of rice vinegar and a half cup of sugar in a small sauce pot and bring it to a boil.

Step 3: Drizzle

Then pour the sour syrup-of-sorts evenly over your 80%-done bacon...

... and throw it back in the oven for an additional 3-4mins, or until the bacon's cooked to sticky/sweet/sour perfection.

Step 4: The Build

Mix up your Sriracha mayo (1 part Sriracha: 3 parts mayo), and slather it on one side of 12 slices of bread.

Like a Socialist chef, distribute the bacon evenly on six slices, then get to stacking the cucumber and cilantro.

Step 5: The Cut

Slice off the crust, cut in half, and take to the nearest closet to consume, because you're not going to want to share. And check out more of George Morris' deliciousness at BeaumontsEatery.com.

And be sure to check out even more crazy-simple recipes that will make Mr. Little Caesar really jealous, in our national Super Bowl Snacking roundup.