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How to fart on a plane

While you may blame the in-flight meal for your gassy belly, scientists say it's actually the altitude adjustment that's making you want to let one rip. The key though is figuring out how to (discreetly) get it out when the lavatory line's long and the fasten seatbelt sign stays on. Behold (your nose) -- here are six time-tested techniques.

1. One-cheek sneak
The oldest trick in the fart book is pretty self explanatory, not to mention easy to master if you’re sitting in an aisle or window seat. That vibration felt across your row was totally just turbulence

2. “It’s really hot in here”
Remember that A/C nozzle above you? Turn that puppy on full-blast during your full blast, aim it directly down, and let the cool air do the rest of the work.

3. Under the blanket
Everyone knows that’s what in-flight blankets are really for. Plus, research tells us a normal seat cushion will absorb up to 50% of the smell. Science

4. During the captain’s announcements
As the captain’s already paused the in-flight entertainment to regale you with fascinating facts about the cities you're flying over (wait, Sioux Falls only has a population of 159,000?), you might as well take the opportunity to let out the rumbling in your belly. Bonus points if you cough or open up a bag of chips at the same time

5. “I just need to stretch”
Whether your legs really are cramped or you just want to crop-dust the entire front of the cabin, on-the-move farts timed when other passengers are also up-and-about can be hard to trace back to their owner

6. “Yeah, that was me. What’s it to you?”
If you’ve got serious cojones, don’t care what people think, or can’t find the right time to pull off any of the above maneuvers, then own the bomb you drop with a shrug and a laugh. After all, it’s a bodily function and considerably more natural than hurling yourself through the atmosphere in a metal cylinder.

Safety note: Don’t wear leather pants. There are many reasons, but for the purpose of this article, farts can’t escape the leather, which creates a “tunnel effect” and forces the gas to work its way out through the cuffs. Also, whatever you do, leave the whole "light-a-match" trick for your bathroom at home; a woman forced the grounding of her flight by lighting up in the lavatory -- fellow passengers smelled the sulphur and panicked.

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