Given that cruise ships are generally exercises in inescapable pain, why not introduce Saw at Sea: a six-day excursion along Canada's eastern seaboard (where the last six Saw flicks were filmed!) loaded with torturep*rn stars and a litany of "once-in-a-lifetime" experiences for superfans. Feast your sadistically pried-open eyes on...
Celebs: Party with Mark Rolston (aka, FBI agent Dan Erickson, and apparently also from Shawshank, Aliens, and The Departed), Costas Mandylor (Mark Hoffman), two super hot chicks who were murdered in Saw 3D, and the freaky-ass puppet that killed them!
Activities: There'll be private screenings of all the movies, Q&A sessions, a volleyball tournament w/ the stars, and a "Saw Tattoo Contest" judged by cast members, who're clearly qualified given they too have made poor life choices.
Partying: Nothing says Saw like open-bar cocktail receptions, dance parties, and pool shindigs with all those hot celebs (you no longer have to just imagine Mark Rolston in a speedo!), plus VIP ticket holders have access to "private" meals with the actors, where nobody but Mark Rolston will be hungry after talking about the most efficient way to suck an exploding razor orb out of your own pee-hole.
Extras: Of course there'll be autograph and photo sessions (hopefully w/ Mark Rolston!), silly! Plus, this thing basically pays for itself thanks to a $100 gift certificate to the Saw online store, where you can purchase used film props that'll totally sink your chances of getting laid faster than a cruise ship.
Published: April 23, 2012 at 4:00am EDT
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