If there's one problem with nude beaches, it's that you can't control who actually takes off their clothes. Also, sand gets everywhere. Even so, they're still better than regular beaches by virtue of one simple fact -- they have naked people.
As we've already shared our favorite nude beaches in the US (and then, again, in the Bay Area) and outlined the rules of nudist resorts, here's our list of the 10 most sizzling seaside spots around the globe to soak up the sun, au naturel.
Spiaggia di Guvano -- Corniglia, Italy
This small shoreline's a far cry from the Riviera's tourist-packed beaches, but well worth the short trek through a pitch-black tunnel (don't forget a flashlight) in the mountainous Cinque Terre region. You'll be rewarded with an isolated beach populated by naked Italians. Is there anything better?
You'll probably be the only tourist there.
You might fall to your death attempting to reach it.
Red Beach -- Crete, Greece
While Red Beach gets its name from the rusty color of the sand, here's a better fun fact: A naked Frenchman
camped out here for five years in the '90s -- carving animals and faces into the limestone -- until the locals expelled him for being a bit too creepy. The name of that Frenchman? That's right, it was none other than President François Hollande. JK!
That'd be crazy, no?
There's a refreshment bar that serves java and suds.
The sand's a little coarse in some spots, which could do some damage (wink, wink). Bring a towel.
Valalta -- Rovinj, Croatia
Since it's technically part of an award-winning naturist campsite, Valalta's almost two-mile beach has something most others lack: adequate shade to keep your chestnuts from roasting. There's also a pool with an aqua-bar AND a water slide.
Perk: The place has an onsite brewery, too. Seriously, Croatians just get it.
Pit: If you're lodging here, you're likely to see more of the same faces (and dangly bits) than you care to.
Bellevue Beach -- Klampenborg, Denmark
During the summer months, Bellevue Beach becomes a hotspot for local young (read: hot) people who come from nearby towns looking to party. One half's strictly topless-optional, while the other welcomes fully nude revelers -- it should be immediately clear which one's the fun half. Both!
Perk: Partying with attractive, young, naked coeds.
Pit: The music can get loud if you're not there to party, but rather to relax and secretly ogle naked coeds behind your sunglasses.
Samurai Beach -- Port Stephens, Australia
Along with the nearby One Mile Beach, Samurai's located next to Tomaree National Park and is well-maintained year round. Unlike the family-friendly One Mile, however, Samurai is entirely clothing-optional.
Making friends while playing naked beach volleyball is a distinct possibility.
It's also a distinct possibility that some of the park's wildlife could kill you
Wreck Beach -- Vancouver, Canada
Located on the western end of Vancouver, Wreck's the oldest and largest clothing-optional beach in the country -- it was even nominated to be one of the "Seven Wonders of Canada
". It doesn't get too packed (thanks to no road access), but there are vendors who wander the shore selling everything from booze to tie-dye T-shirts. The vendors, like everyone else, are semi-to-fully nude at all times. Consider this either a plus, or a minus.
Much like your popular Bastille-Meets-Boxing Day bash, you can score jello shots with little difficulty.
Let's be honest, the climate isn't exactly tropical; you are
in Canada, after all.
Es Trenc -- Majorca, Spain
The secret's out on this one, and during the peak summer months you're likely to find hoards of visitors along the white sandy shores of Es Trenc. Fortunately, the central area of the beach (the nude part) tends to be less choked than the rest, so you can enjoy the incredible beauty of the place in relative privacy.
Perk: Motorized vehicles aren't allowed on the beach, so you won't be disturbed by Spanish bros revving their 4x4s.
Pit: You'll pay through the nose at the beach bars, as well as for nearby parking.
Grande Saline -- St. Bart's
Though you can technically keep your bathing suit on here, toplessness and full-frontal nudity are more the norm for tourists. The left and right sides of Grande Saline tend to segregate by straight and gay visitors, respectively, so it pays to know which side is which before settling in.
Perk: Since the beach is super long, you can choose to mingle with the crowd or be a weird, naked loner.
Pit: When the wind picks up (and it will), the water's a bit too rough for swimming. Also, your junk could get sandblasted.
Plage de Tahiti -- St. Tropez, France
The beaches of St. Tropez are famous for pioneering the topless sunbathing craze of the '60s, and Plage de Tahiti's no exception. It's also a well-known celebrity haunt, so leave the camera at the hotel (but bring your iPhone) and keep your eyes peeled for some famous flesh.
You might see Eva Green naked.
You'll probably see Gerard Depardieu naked.
Praia do Pinho -- Balneário Camboriú, Brazil
Located about 50 miles north of Florianopolis, 2013's happiest city in the world
, Praia do Pinho's widely considered to be the first naturist beach in Brazil. Nudity's mandatory
here, so no taking off your shirt and then being all, like, "I'm totally going to get settled in first". No, you'll have to strip down if you partake in the fun.
There's an inn and cabins for rent with ocean views.
Unaccompanied males are't
allowed on the beach, unless they're members of the International Naturist Federation. As you are likely not,
don't forget a female friend.
Gianni Jaccoma is an editorial assistant for Thrillist Travel, and is now frantically working on his beach bod. Follow him on Twitter at @gjaccoma.