Salumeria Rosi

While etiquette demands the precious nibbling of meat in public, sometimes a man must gnash a dripping pig haunch in the comfort of his cavernous junior one bedroom. Going both ways, Salumeria Rosi Parmacotto.

From the Maremma guy, Sal's a slim, iron- and brick-walled joint doing double duty as both a 25-seat tapas resto and a premium deli counter slicing meats and cheeses by the pound -- so you can protein up publicly and politely, or reclusively and hideously, like a super-carnivorous Bobby Fischer.

Sit down-wise, Sal's slinging small pan-Italian plates ranging from pasta pasticciate (baked pasta w/ pork, veal, and sofritto ragu), to costine (spicy slow-cooked Tuscan spare ribs), to polpette d'agnello (tomato-braised lamb meatballs), all served "assaggio" -- literally "sharing" (it's not just for cowards anymore).

As for the counter, Sal's slicing traditional, mostly-imported slabs, e.g., Bresaola (air-dried and salted beef from Valtellina), Pancetta (cured pork belly), Salame Toscano Finocchiona (Tuscan salami seasoned w/ fennel), and cured pork fat, aka Lardo -- possibly the only meat that shares its name with a hysterical middle-school taunt.

Sal will soon serve up suds, but for now is only pouring Italian vino (Telemonti Montepulciano, Lagaria Pinot Grigio, etc) and cocktails like prosecco spritzers -- which you can afford to sip slowly, knowing that as soon as you get home you'll go crazy with your Prosecco Bong.