Your Best Alibi
While you may be a seasoned liar, your creativity can only take you so far, and even "rescuing Peruvian sheep dog"-level excuses will eventually get you pinched. Get professional help from the Alibi Network and never get busted again
AN is a full-service cover-your-ass organization, created to back up lies to girlfriends/bosses/bed-ridden nephews. Membership gets you 24hr access to Alibi's consultants, who're expert in corroborating even the most truthless of stories. For example, tell your girlfriend you're attending a seminar in Santa Fe (when in reality you're holed up with a 19-year-old waitress at the Trenton Double Tree), and your fib advisor will provide you with all the tangibles you need to get away with it, like
- e-mail notifications
- forged letters
- ersatz hotel statements -- complete with a phone number that can either forward to your voice mail or funnel through to one of AN's skilled fake receptionists.
Further, all your shady credit card purchases get filtered through AN's dummy company, so your statement bears your supposed business destination instead of, say, Madame Padagonia's Suck Suck Palace.
While Alibi Network's great for two-timing scumbags, one of their busiest days is after the Super Bowl, when they're summoned to convince many a hard-headed boss that their employees are actually sick, broken down on a freeway, or captives of Sunni extremists. Whatever your dilemma, AN's got you covered, so you can skip out on work, ditch the dying nephew, and head straight for the scorching suck-sucking Alibi's relentless lying has earned you.