A mall that you can live in

Most malls are so stacked with food/entertainment/underage girls you almost feel you could live there -- what's missing's a private place to brush your teeth, watch a TV that's not surrounded by other TVs, and tenderly recall being an underage boy. Rounding out the package: the Americana At Brand.

Open to the public today, the AAB's a 15.5 acre, outdoor mall from The Grove peeps, built to feel like a European street (dancing fountain, large grass area) and domiciled with 100 condos and 238 apartments. What's there:

Restaurants: Run the gamut from upscale (Katsuya) to mid-level (Cheesecake Factory) to on-the-go (Jody Maroni's); also on site's a Coffee Bean and the 50s-style Jewel City Diner, sure to be rockin' robbed.

Standbys (H&M, LaCoste), plus specialty shops like The Art of Shaving and Australian pajama-ist Peter Alexander, offering pant prints in paisley, plaid, and "trippin" -- so overtly psychedelic, it owes Roger Waters money.

Resident amenities: Each unit gets 5-star-hotel goodness, e.g., private fitness club, pool/spa, concierge, room service from the AAB's restaurants, and the ability to pay for some items and services with a swipe of your key card -- though the ability to ignore your itemized bill now brings with it the ability to become homeless.

Also on-site and just in time for Cinco De Mayo: the upscale Mexican restaurant Frida, where you'll Marg it up before safely stumbling alone into your own bed, rather than awkwardly explaining what you're doing cuddled up with a 13-year-old in the display window at The Imaginarium.