For those of you looking for a silver lining of health in this, you're in luck: one of the ingredients of Surge is "orange juice concentrate" (granted, it's the sixth ingredient down on the list, after "natural flavors", "citric acid", and "maltodextrin"). But for those of you just seeking the quickest sugar rush imaginable, it's definitely your golden greenish ticket. Twenty minutes after drinking it, I'm having trouble writing this sentence. And it's awesome.
Mom and Dad -- I love you. Sorry for drinking all that Surge back in the day. If I make it, please send more Surge.
Adam Lapetina is a food/drink staff writer at Thrillist, and can't feel his legs. Read his musings on Twitter at @adamlapetina.