If you do life right, you'll live and die in San Francisco. In which case you've hopefully got some time to cross all of these must-do, only-in-SF items off of your bucket list. If you do life wrong, you'll end up moving back to whatever boring town you came from. In which case you have less time to do all of these must-do, only-in-SF things, so get on it now!
Bonus points if you do it dressed like Mario Kart characters.
And eat a free apple. And (hopefully) take home a free poster.
Everyone should do it at least once. Even you.
But only if you're wearing a legitimately well-planned and memorable costume. None of this "I went to American Apparel at 8pm last night and bought something tight and shiny" crap.
So. Much. Scenery.
Wear a jacket. Go to Sausalito. Get some ice cream. Ferry home.
Preferably a home opener or a playoff game, but really any game will do. Bonus points for eating garlic fries. Half credit if you're kayaking outside of it.
Get there early to watch the sunset.
Hong Kong Lounge is a good place to start. Really, you should do this a million times before you die, though.
It's the country's longest musical revue for a reason.
Easter in SF > Easter anywhere else.
It's the only place in SF where you can sip on a drink while enjoying a rainstorm with thunder and lightning.
You literally have to get it in the morning though; by afternoon they'll be long sold out.
Oh come on, you know you want to. And even if you don't want to, one of your out-of-town friends will make you.
It really is much cooler than you think. Plus, there's beer on the ferry ride back.
The 360-degree panoramic views make the $14 martinis worth it.
Wave that rainbow flag!
Just don't jump into their paddock.
That's per slice, FYI. But so worth it.
You know, a REAL beer.
On Mission St. After midnight.
"Chillin'."
Or two. Or six.
Yes, it means going to Fisherman's Wharf, but that's fine because while you're there you can...
And eat some clam chowder in a bread bowl.
Meditation not required.
Or row one if that's more your speed.
While enjoying a bottle of Champagne on the DL.
Bring your pup so he can high-five the paws below.
People have been lining up at this no-frills lunch counter since 1912 for very good reason.
BYO cardboard. (Although there's usually some there.)
The Sound of Music, The Little Mermaid, and yes: even Frozen.
Be sure to walk through (and Instagram) Richard Serra's Sequence while you're there.
Figuring out how to get invited back there is all on you.
And then read it.
Walking and/or just looking at the view from the top is also acceptable.
And take in the view.
Bring a date, 'cause it's for two.
And climb the Filbert Steps to get there.
Theres a reason tourists like to go there. Trust.
Get the liquid courage from the very strong martinis.
Or fine: CDs.
Theres a reason tourists like to go there. Trust.
Get the liquid courage from the very strong martinis.
Or fine: CDs.
And definitely ride the Ferris wheel while you're there.
At 938ft, you'll be at the highest point in the whole city.
Eat every single food truck.
Farmers market, oysters, cheese, hamburgers... OK, maybe two days?
Just get there early if you want to get a good spot.
Finish it in under two minutes to get your $8 back and your name listed on the Hall of Fame!
Wedding dress not required.
It doesn't have to be from La Taqueria, but it should probably be from La Taqueria.
It was built in Japan and then shipped to San Francisco for the 1894 World's Fair.
Even better if it's bottomless.
And then walk the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral.
But get there early if you want to choose which of the 10 kinds you want or you’ll get “stuck” with onion.
And explore West Portal while you're there.
Pro tip: Telegraph Hill isn't the only place you can spot them. Keep an eye out in Cole Valley and Fort Mason.
It's been an elegant tradition since the early 1900s.
It doesn't have to be the fried chicken ramen at Suzu Noodle House, but you won't be sad if it is.
Yes, all 18 of them.
Preferably with your lover. Hand-holding not required because, ew, PDA.
And then get a cocktail at the Cliff House (before the sun goes down).
With a side of waffles, of course.
Even better if you do it from a friend's rooftop.
You can do it on New Year's Day with everyone else or whenever you're feeling brave, but it only counts if you dunk your head.
There's a new 21+ adventure every Thursday night, including an aquarium, planetarium, four-story rainforest, and natural history museum. Be sure to say hey to Claude, the albino alligator, and the African penguins!
Hope you're not afraid of the dark.
You'll experience 360-degree panoramic views of the city (and it's free). Even better if you stay and explore the museum.
It's one of Rodin's original 28 bronze castings... though you should probably just make a day of it -- the Legion of Honor has tons of amazing fine art.
Technically it's "Hardly Strictly Bluegrass," which makes it even better.
Dock at Sam's Anchor Cafe in Tiburon for lunch.
It's a classic SF institution, plus the killer martinis are served with what's left in the shaker.
And taste them while they're warm, flat, and fresh out of the oven.
It's SF's very best tree swing thanks to the stunning views.
Herb Caen said it best when he said, "One day if I do go to heaven... I'll look around and say, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'"
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