The Pack of Tourists
Getting stuck in line behind a family who’s visiting DC for the very first time is every commuter’s nightmare, and in this city, you tend to live the nightmare more frequently than the poor schmucks out on Elm St in Springwood, Ohio.
Fanny Pack Dad is neglecting to yell at Overstimulated Child -- who is about to topple a large, perilously fragile display of porcelain Starbucks coffee mugs -- while Tourist Mom is asking the cashier why, exactly, her macchiato is so much more expensive here than at home, where the Washington Monument is, can you walk there, and if it’s worth it. You will not be getting to work on time.
The Overprivileged Child of Wealthy DC Parents
This kid shows up on his fixed-gear bike, but the keys to his parents’ Beemer are jangling in his pocket. He is almost certainly a white person with dreadlocks, so thoroughly convinced of his bohemian nature that he will -- with an entirely straight face -- introduce himself as an emerging performance artist in the DC arts scene. He is a graduate of St. Alban's, currently taking a "gap year" to explore his artistic interests (read: watching Netflix in his pajamas until 1 p.m.). He takes his order extra hot, just to feel alive, man.