Timmy is an average kid
That no-one understands
Mom and Dad and Vicky
Always giving him commands
But doom and gloom
Up in his room
Is broken instantly
By a massive indoor park
That grants his every wish
Located in Jersey
If you're familiar with this tune, you'll be excited to hear that Nickelodeon Universe, the largest indoor theme park on the continent, is finally opening in New Jersey this Friday, October 25. If you aren't familiar, you'll be excited to hear that your kids will soon want you to go there and spend money.
We first heard about the park back in 2003, when there was no such thing as a Nickelodeon television show called "Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty" (can someone please explain this show to me). According to CNN, there were a lot of false starts and developer issues, but things really picked up steam around 2016, when a press release announced the amusement park would be "joining the slate of offerings for kids and families at American Dream." American Dream, contrary to popular belief, is not a trip to Disney World. It is an absolutely enormous mall in otherwise-anticlimactic East Rutherford, New Jersey.
If you're anything like me, you related to the Nick characters more than Disney characters, like Arnold from Hey Arnold, with his extroversion and massive head, and Angelica from Rugrats, with her obnoxious nature shielding a desire to be loved. And now kids and adults like me can finally fulfill their own American dream, in a park that features more than 35 rides, roller coasters, and other attractions.
It's a massive, 8.5-acre indoor theme park -- the largest of its kind. One roller coaster, cutely called the Shellraiser, features a 122-foot drop. There will also be a Nickelodeon Slime Stage and tons of your favorite characters hanging around, including the big dogs of the channel: Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Sale start times cannot be confirmed at this point, but we do know that a general ticket is priced at $39.99, an all-access ticket is $49.99, and children under 2 are free. So get buying, you fairly odd parents, you!