As you prep for Halloween, check out Thrillist's finest nationwide stories from October, then get back to stuffing your shorts enough to be Lady Gaga.
Emailed to Seattle: No First Date Answering the question "what happens when a 28-year-old guy makes a profile of a hot girl on a free dating site?", FTD's run by a Seattle marketer who conducts online-dating opposition research by entrapping men with the promise of romance, sex, and occasional acts of freakiness, then terrifying them with verbal abuse and poems involving shoving them in a trunk and burying them in the desert. Word to Hall & Oates; she might really be a maneater. Click here and check out the story.
Emailed to Dallas: The Cajun Fryer Hand-made by bayou buddies in Homer, Louisiana, these propane-fueled tabletop/tailgate/backyard vats can handle everything from mud bugs to whole turkeys, while using up to 70% less oil and easing the fear of overflow/burning via a V-shaped reservoir and a rear-mounted "flame tube", also what happens when you irresponsibly spread your mud bug around in Louisiana. Read the recommendation, and then deep-fry everything in sight
Emailed to Miami: Cigar Stub Schemed up by two Miami cousins sick of burning their fingers while smoking stogies down to the nub, the Stub's made of anodized aluminum and stainless steel, comes in silver, black or gunmetal, and's essentially a roach clip that allows you to smoke the "sweet spot" of a cigar, or the last two inches, which you've always maintained are all you need. Put your little stub to good use
Emailed to Nation: The F---ing Word of the Day Vastly improve your vocabulary with irreverent language lessons from a blog that follows the mantra "it's easier to learn with sex, drugs, and f***ing swearing". Every day delivers a new word/definition, then uses it in a sentence you can fully understand, i.e. for "turbid": "Hey sh*thead, change the f***ing bong water, it's turbid", guaranteeing that in no time, you'll be an articulate degenerate. Learn to speak effectively with eloquent profanity, you f***tard
Emailed to Los Angeles: Wow Toilet Sweeten up the stankiest room in your apartment with these easily-installable see-through toilet tanks, which're made to be customized with posters of your choice, ranging from the presidential seal to Spongebob Squarepants to a shark swimming menacingly, which should remind you of the new classic Deep Ew Pee. Click here and personalize your poo shrine