While a man may think the deal is sealed once he gets a nice lady into his pad, he's really only set himself up for failure when she realizes he's so poorly prepared for entertaining, his wine isn't even boxed, it's bagged. To avoid this, we had three prominent local mixologists whip up six can't-miss cocktails (3 for her, 3 for you) for a trio of distinct home-drinking situations, meaning you'll only have your lack of current events knowledge and lazy eye to blame for striking out
The Situation: She'll only drink one with you, so make it count.
For her: Strawberry Caipiroska, from Drinkshop's Eric Simpkins
Muddle strawberries, lime, and sugar cubes in a shaker. Add vodka, then crushed ice. Cover, shake for 10 seconds, then pour into a cocktail glass. Good for before, during, or after dinner, this strawberry smoothie-like libation will help get things going, even if you're a shortcake
For you: Classic Old Fashioned, from Simpkins
Drop a sugar cube into a cocktail glass, add bitters, then club soda. Crush sugar to make a paste, then add ice, and bourbon (or whiskey, cognac, or aged tequila). Stir w/ ice for 10 secs, then use a veggie peeler to get a wide orange peel. Twist peel over drink, then tuck into the side of the glass. For less bite, add sugar packet and stir to bring out molasses flavors. Simpkins says,"If she's going girly with her drink, you'll want to go opposite with something to make you look manly"...so you'll probably want to go mustache shopping.
Get the printable recipes for these one-hitter-quitters right damn here
The Situation: She's willing to have two of whatever you make, if the first one's good enough
For her: Lion's Tail, from Craft's Leo Barrera
Build in a shaker w/ crushed ice, starting with bourbon. Add all ingreeds, then shake violently for 10 secs. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Use a sharp knife to cut a centimeter-wide strip from the orange (longways, from top to bottom); twist and garnish on the rim of the glass. Says Leo: "The LT's a forgotten classic many bars no longer make", but its peach-orange color, berry flavor, and sizable booze content should get you one sip closer to sweet victory, because as everyone knows, peach-orange color has never done anything except get dudes laid. Ever
For you: Southside Fizz, from Simpkins
Fill shaker with ice. Bruise mint leaves by clapping them together twice in your hands, and drop in shaker. Add lemon juice, simple syrup, cucumber slice, and gin/vodka. Shake well for 10 secs, then pour into a martini glass and top with club soda. Garnish with second cucumber slice if desired. "The Fizz is a recipe from Chicago's mob-ruled 1920s to let you show your Scarface side", which'll hopefully impress her enough to say hello to your little friend.
Click here for the recipe cards, and make her roar for more
The Situation: She's bout it; bring on the party drink
For her: Purple Panties, from Fuse Downtown's Keya Atkinson
Fill both a tall glass and shaker w/ ice. Build in shaker with vodkas, Pucker, schnapps, and lemonade or sour. Shake well, then strain into glass. Top w/ cranberry juice. "If you can get the Panties just right, you might even find out if hers are matching," although ideally not matching yours
For you: Sapphire Cup, from Simpkins
Muddle mint leaf, fruits, and cucumber. Add spirits, vermouth, lemon juice, simple syrup, and bitters. Shake with ice to chill, and strain over fresh ice into a Collins glass. Top with sparkling water. Garnish with cucumber & mint sprig -- that's right, so don't even bother brushing your teeth.
Let your true colors shine through with a Purple/Sapphire matchup; click now for those ingreeds