Like dad removing your floaties as you learn to swim, some things require a push to go all the way. Not on that list: going all the way. Forcefully nudged into opening a restaurant, Smokin' J's BBQ.
Opening Monday, J's is a bluesy bastion of BBQ decked with hardwood floors, green/black booths, and a massive Elvis mural, started by the ringleader of a competition BBQ team (whose black school bus cooking hub ruled local food fairs for five years before fans demanded he open a real place) and the guy who owns the space, which was previously Crumblin' Erb (what else would you do before Smokin' J's?). Acquaint your stomach with sammies and/or pound or 1/2lb plates of beef, pulled pork, and chicken w/ two sides (red or white slaw, baked beans, or fruitier accompaniments like the souffle-ish "Pineapple Express", etc); you can also choose the same meats in ground format via the burger-like "Sausage on a Bun", also the term you're unsuccessfully attempting to replace "spooning" with. Further meat includes ribs aplenty (tips, spares, and half or full racks of St. Louis-cuts) and Family Packs (1lb pork or brisket, 2lb sausage, two side pints, bread & sauce); if you're completely out of your mind/Kirstie Alley, you can even score a 100lb smoked hog, or a turkey/duck/chicken-stuffed "De Boned Pig", who lost his sex drive after his girlfriend turned into such a porker.
Smokin's also going to keep an abbreviated version of Crumbin's pizza menu; hit the 6pm Saturday grand opening with a 10-spot to revel in all-you-can eat chicken, ribs, whole hog, and Brunswick stew plus a live blues band -- music that'll speak to the feeling you had when dad de-floatied you, and everyone realized really quickly he was a crap swim teacher.