Beard and Moustache Showdown

Misprint Mag's fourth annual carnival of hirsuteness brings in a new guest judge (perpetual city council nominee Allen Demling), a new category (the Six Month Sprint, to go along with Gnarliest Beard, Sweetest 'Stache, etc...), and music from the Diagonals, DJ Andy the Mouth, and DJ Huge Cock. Guess who to tell when the Corvette out front gets towed?