Everyone loves the spirit of giving, but sometimes circumstances get in the way, like that time Arnold was stymied by hundreds of other parents gunning for a Turbo Man doll, and millions of other parents gunning for that even more faddish gift, "state services". For when your circumstances involve just being very lazy, hit up Selling the Lie
Created by a lawyer's wife (so she's used to liberal definitions of "truth"), STL's a web service that creates a faux internet-purchase trail for procrastinating gifters, letting them place the blame for an absence of presents on those who deserve it most: people who don't actually exist. Here's how the ruse works: hit the site, pick what you'd like to "buy" (currently: handbags, clothing, jewelry), and STL will create a phony invoice, a second notice stating that your gift happens to be on back-order, and finally a heart-felt cancellation/refund message, delivered sometime after X-mas -- deceitful, but hey, by any means necessary. Should your loved one still doubt you,
leave them any e-snooping will result in error messages such as "down due to maintenance" or "unexpected traffic", which could also describe Michael Douglas resigning as drug czar because his own daughter was an addict. His own daughter!
Each phantom gift costs but a 5-spot, and STL plans to rev up its game for coming-too-soon holidays like Valentine's -- on which it's essential to buy your girl gifts if you want to keep on living in Sin. Bad.