People go to extremes to travel to Cuba, flying through other countries, chartering shady Key West boats, even signing up for CIA-sponsored land invasions despite the complete absence of air support. Giving you the joys of Cuba without the hassle, San Antonio's Hotel Havana
HH is a historic River Walk inn whose original 1914 Caribbean-style architecture was recently Cuban-ified by Texas hotel honcho Liz Lambert, with huge plantation-style shutters, bright utilitarian furnishings, and dark hardwoods contrasting whitewashed walls, because people found the Jaleel Whitewashed walls too Urksome.
Each of the 17 queen and 10 king rooms is equipped with a TV-friendly iPod loaded with Latin films, with spaces ranging from intimate studios, to terrace suites overlooking a rooftop garden, to the stunning 2-story Penthouse Suite, complete with an ornate staircase leading to the bedroom, an expansive shower built for two, and a pair of flat-screens, because even though you're comfortable washing with your girlfriend, there's no way you're sharing the remote.
Further perks include picnic-style breakfasts of Cuban coffee and Mexican pan dulces delivered bedside, plus on-theme mini-bars: a 50s inspired ice chest packed with Mexican beers and liquors, as well as locally produced snacks like Mexican chocolate roses, hot chile peanuts, and jalapeno jelly, whose burning sensation makes it obvious why she uses Vaaaaaseline
Because drinking is the international language, Havana's also refurbished their basement bar with evocative light blue paint, antique furniture, and copious candles, plus stocked it with cigars, single village mezcals, cocktails like margaritas and micheladas, and classic Spanish wines like Tempranillos, Cavas, and Moscatels, all charmingly Latin ways to diminish your Central Intelligence.