Cookie cake can be a delicious alternative to traditional cakes and pies. And, telling someone they're a jackass can be a delicious alternative to not telling them they're a jackass. Opt for both alts, and Say It With Cookie Cake. From a trio of sweet-toothed/mean-streaked ATX software engineers, SIWCC delivers direct-to-doorstep, fresh-from-the-oven cookie cakes, made from scratch using a secret recipe of "contempt and the souls of orphans", hand-iced with your choice of wrathful message, and shippable wherever the object of your scorn resides, or if they really screwed you over, wherever they were last caught on a security camera. Messages are totally customizable, with two caveats: there's a 20-character limit ("it worked for Twitter"), and there's no bigotry allowed, as codified in their motto, "We Will Not Bake Your Hate Crime", though that determination's really for the courts -- but of course evidence has a way of disappearing, especially if it's cookie cake. If you can't put your anger into words, there's a bevy of suggested options, in categories like General ("Shame Eat Me", "Throw Up And Die", "SPORTS TEAM OF YOUR CHOICE Sucks"), Birthday ("The Reaper Beckons"), Love ("Get Tested", "Just the Tip"), and Around the Office ("I Am Litigious", "Quit Spoiling Lost" -- better hurry up and order that one, nerds). Right now cakes only come in one size ("big enough") and they choose the icing colors. They do, however, offer one off-the-menu option: an inexpertly drawn penis for any occasion, though obviously it's best suited for someone who found a delicious alternative to yours.
Say It With Cookie Cake