Are you having sex this weekend?

Editor's Note: Lobster rolls are the king of all summer foods (shut up, watermelon slices), which is why we sent our very own Andrew Zimmer to try and figure out what the Perfect Lobster Roll is, where it is, or if it’s totally a figment of our nostalgia-soaked collective unconscious.

Editor's Note: Lobster rolls are the king of all summer foods (shut up, watermelon slices), which is why we sent our very own Andrew Zimmer on a summer-long quest to try and figure out what the Perfect Lobster Roll is, where it is, or if it’s totally a figment of our nostalgia-soaked collective unconscious.

Editor's Note: Lobster rolls are the king of all summer foods (shut up, watermelon slices), which is why we sent our very own Andrew Zimmer to try and figure out what the Perfect Lobster Roll is, where it is, or if it’s totally a figment of our nostalgia-soaked collective unconscious.

Editor's Note: Lobster rolls are the king of all summer foods (shut up, watermelon slices), which is why we sent our very own Andrew Zimmer to try and figure out what the Perfect Lobster Roll is, where it is, or if it’s totally a figment of our nostalgia-soaked collective unconscious.

A highly dangerous spider drops down on your hand while you turn off your lamp, killing you.

If you make it through this entire summer without consuming at least one lobster roll, regardless of how many giant Slip 'N Slides you throw yourself down, your summer will have been a failure.

There’s a solid chance you’ve taken down at least a dozen dumplings on a Sunday afternoon with zero prompting or reason, so we’re fully expecting you to launch yourself into this: the NYC Chinatown Dim Sum Challenge.

There are 24,000-ish restaurants in NYC.

There’s a huge -- like, biggest in decades -- fight this weekend (Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao are supposed to get underway at 11:30pm, with the undercard starting at 9pm), and you’re probably looking for a place to watch it on a projector with a Jell-O shot (or six) in hand.

Trying to find the best breakfast sandwich in NYC is a dicey proposition because, deep down, when we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes we all just want that quick and easy sando from the bodega or deli on the corner.

NYC loves making things hard to find: cabs at 4pm, any place you can afford to live without having to sustain yourself on ramen flavor packets and saltines, and things that are actually fun -- like secret bars, supper clubs, sex parties, and secret and hidden spots to eat around the city.