Sure, living a dastardly lifestyle has advantages like quick wealth, a glamorous lifestyle, and a standing excuse to don a fake mustache, but it'll need to be quite the cookie duster to protect your handsome eyes from crazy-dangerous UV rays. Taking care of that, Von Zipper's Lucre collection. The latest drop from the Cali-based crafters of tinted ocular gear for the skate/surf/snowboard set, Lucre (literally "illicit money or profits") is an upscale offering of handmade Italian specs allegedly cooked up by 86-year-old Austrian revolutionary, inventor, explorer, and fashion icon Otto Von Zipper, whose fictionalized whereabouts remain (shockingly!) "unknown". Highlights w/ a sporty aesthetic include the angular Royce featuring black & metallic detail on the doubled-up hinges (in black/white/red/crystal or tortoise) and the chunky goggle-esque Lager, a literal pair of beer goggles, perfect for drifting across and taking home a morally casual porpoise. Veering more artsy's the slightly trippy Karmic with an irregular, vaguely circular look (w/ unique colorways including leopard and blue velvet), and the boxier, double-bridged Reuben, which deftly deflects the sun in an effort to avoid any cornea beef. If you wish to attend an older school, there's the updated vintage, sleekly curved aviator "Pandora" -- pick up a pair, because if you weren't comfortable thinking outside the box, why are you even now licking your synthetic chops as you bank giant checks for your latest creation, People for People.