We will sell no wine before its...eruption

Volcanoes have long inspired myths, from Greeks imagining them as forges of the gods, to Johannes Kepler positing they were the Earth's tear ducts, to Tom Hanks believing they'd help him duplicate the magic of Turner and Hooch. Capturing inspiration from a Texas fire-hole, Pilot Knob Vineyard.

Taking its name and logo from a local, extinct magma-spout, this newcomer operates on 92 acres seeded for six varietals of TX grapes, all available for sampling at their just-opened ranch-style tasting room, which boasts a 15mi Hill Country view from its wraparound porch (so be sure to wear your Oakleys). The cream of their crop includes the 2010 Viognier -- a Lone Star gold medalist whose decidedly fruity flavor (honeysuckle, orange blossom, peachy nectarine) is emboldened by fermentation in stainless steel -- and the 2010 Sweet Rose, a Ruby Cabernet table wine that took home silver honors in San Francisco, so even Napa snobs don't Haight on it. Also worth a whiff are the French-oak-aged, cedar-toned 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon, the 2010 Franco-Rojo which blends Tempranillo and Merlot for full-bodied dark-and-spiciness, and the 2010 Proprietor's White (racist!), an easy-drinking mix of Chenin Blanc, Muscat, and Viognier that carries a hint of sugar, so feel free to pour it all over Joe Elliott.

To celebrate the new tasting room they're throwing a grand opening this Saturday with copious wine, food pairings, and tunes from "acousticlassical" trio Havilah Tower, falling off of which would be Terminal. Screw Krakozhia -- more movies about cop-dogs!