Food & Drink

Beer made by the motivated, for the amotivated

Because who needs beer more than lazy people, the guy behind Austin Homebrew Supply's recipes is finally helping don't-want-to-do-it-yourselfers by launching Rogness Brewing Co: a Pflugerville small-batcher hosting a July 7th grand opening party where you'll taste-test all six of their frothy beverages. Here's a slothful man's guide to what you'll want to sip at the bash

If you can't be bothered to pick up a razor: Beardy GuardThe reddish-amber French cousin of the Belgian Saison comes with a hint of earthiness, just like your twig-infested facial hair

If you spend several hours a day "meditating": YogiFor the clear of mind and foggy of eye, this rich copper chai amber has notes of cinnamon and cardamom, and pairs well with bold Asian flavors

If you just don't exercise: GigantophisThis monster uses 2 1/2lbs of hops per barrel (which is a lot), resulting in a 9% ABV imperial IPA with flavors of citrus, pine, and French oak. Naturally, it pairs perfectly with bacon

If you need someone to carry your bags for you: OstIt's a porter

If you're friendless because you won't make an effort to meet new people: VintonIn addition to "Blue Velvet", crooner Bobby Vinton wrote "Mr. Lonely", which is what you were before you found this blonde to keep you company

If you won't leave your castle: RookThis Scottish ale's peat-smoked malt gives it notes of English toffee. It's best enjoyed with salmon, lamb, or pork, all of which your lazy ass can probably get delivered to your apartment.