Because who needs beer more than lazy people, the guy behind Austin Homebrew Supply's recipes is finally helping don't-want-to-do-it-yourselfers by launching Rogness Brewing Co: a Pflugerville small-batcher hosting a July 7th grand opening party where you'll taste-test all six of their frothy beverages. Here's a slothful man's guide to what you'll want to sip at the bash
If you can't be bothered to pick up a razor: Beardy Guard The reddish-amber French cousin of the Belgian Saison comes with a hint of earthiness, just like your twig-infested facial hair
If you spend several hours a day "meditating": Yogi For the clear of mind and foggy of eye, this rich copper chai amber has notes of cinnamon and cardamom, and pairs well with bold Asian flavors
If you just don't exercise: Gigantophis This monster uses 2 1/2lbs of hops per barrel (which is a lot), resulting in a 9% ABV imperial IPA with flavors of citrus, pine, and French oak. Naturally, it pairs perfectly with bacon
If you need someone to carry your bags for you: Ost It's a porter
If you're friendless because you won't make an effort to meet new people: Vinton In addition to "Blue Velvet", crooner Bobby Vinton wrote "Mr. Lonely", which is what you were before you found this blonde to keep you company
If you won't leave your castle: Rook This Scottish ale's peat-smoked malt gives it notes of English toffee. It's best enjoyed with salmon, lamb, or pork, all of which your lazy ass can probably get delivered to your apartment.