Ride a bull, impress a human
The main thing you should leave this article with: Cowboy Jack's has just moved into the city, bringing with it downtown's first mechanical bull in a while. The main thing you should leave the bar with: fawning, beautiful women, overcome with desire after seeing you master said bull with the tips below
That's right: the suburban mega saloon is expanding into a massive space bursting with bar eats (tater tot hotdish, meatloaf sliders), whiskey galore, pool & shuffleboard, and an actually awesome rooftop patio full of rough-hewn wood. The main attraction though, placed front-and-center, is that mechanized beast. And to help you conquer it, we picked the brain of three-time Minnesota high school bullriding champion and former PBR and PRCA standout Troy Meech, who was once ranked #3 in the world, and is currently ranked #1 in the world at telling you how to impress boozed-up strangers in a kitschy saloon. His advice
The Setup: Sit on the inner part of your legs (not your butt) with your toes turned out, back arched, and chest out. Use an overhand grip with whichever hand feels comfortable. Traditionally (and non-intuitively), real riders grip with their off-hand because the balance hand actually does more important work, but then again, bullriding is all about bucking tradition
The Ride: Tuck your chin to your chest and squeeze with your legs -- they're stronger than your arms, even if you only do beach-body workouts. Keep your extremely muscular and toned balance arm at a right angle to most effectively use it as a counterweight
The Goal: While a real bull ride's only eight seconds, Troy thinks 10-12 is respectable for a mechanical one. He also warns that if you're way out of position, "don't fight it, just fall", ensuring that you at least leave the bar with yourself intact.