Because Portland likes nothing better than coffee and booze

Look closer at unfortunate Irish stereotypes and you'll find fighting is borne of a battle against enslavement, kissing is linked to a passionate Celtic heart, and intoxication is mostly related to the fact they couldn't get through Joyce's novels sober. To be fair, neither could Joyce, really. Celebrating the Irish tradition of cataloging records: Paddy's bid for the World's Largest Irish Coffee.

Schemed up after he scoffed at the existing 15gal Irish coffee record, an owner of Paddy's quickly found himself in a boozily caffeinated arms race when Guinness officials told him that to break the record, he'd need to make his drink at least 111gal, also what it takes Beaverton soccer moms to drive their Hummers to Pottery Barn...but hell, where else're they gonna get their Found Woven Wine Bottles? The enormous custom mug (complete with tap for serving the awesomeness to on-lookers) will hold a record-shattering 150gal libation comprised of 130gal of coffee, the equivalent of 1,800 cubes of sugar, several gallons of heavy whipping cream, and (huzzah!) six cases of whiskey, or what John Daly calls "a good start, before we start slamming those drinks named after me". The logistics: the coffee's being brewed at OHSU and trucked over in massive urns before being added to the whiskey/sugar and topped with heavy cream, which's whipped via an industrial mixer and several electric drills, all under the Guinness-required watchful eye of a "respectable presence" from the community, so not Joel McHale.

After the drink's poured off and sold for $2 a pop to benefit Children's Cancer Research, St. Pat's Day revelers'll be treated to more Irish goodness via a police pipe band, music from Darby O'Gill, and Celtic dancing, which until recently, was an Irish stereotype unfortunately perpetuated by Brian Scalabrine.