Since drinking and adult websites usually end with you waking up with a bunch of sketchy charges you don't remember making and don't want to tell your GF about, go to The Armory Club where you'll... wake up with a bunch of sketchy charges you don't remember making and don't want to tell your GF about. Opening tonight from the people behind Kink.com (Warning: not a website about your neck after sleeping on the sofa), AC's chock-full of surprisingly not-x-rated, actually high-class decor: there's an ornate metal-worked ceiling, Victorian-y wallpaper, an electric fireplace within a fireplace, and framed flatscreens depicting everything from a hanging chain to a woman in full-body latex and a gas mask because... oh, yeah, this is run by a p*rn site. Its glowing amber onyx bar serves 18 reds/whites/sparklings, 22 beers (eight drafts and 14 bottles from Little Sumpin' Wild Belgian IPA and Deschutes Black Butte Porter to Miller High Life), and handcrafted liver-exercisers (ask for a Donkey Punch, clarifying that you mean tequila, green chartreuse, grapefruit & lime), plus there's an extensive whiskey selection with the likes of St. George Single Malt, Macallan 1987 20yr, and WhistlePig Rye. Also awesome: there's a bar in back with psychiatrist-caliber leather sofas and its own side entrance on 14th St that you can rent out for private events -- neglect to tell your girlfriend about that and you'll need an armory to protect yourself. Or at least a club.