Because Capitol Hill stopped being funny as soon as you exhausted your supply of "Boehner? I barely know 'er!" jokes, the guys behind Rocket Bar, Iron Horse, and Buffalo Billiards are filling the void with Riot Act Comedy Theater, DC's newest and largest "über-comedy club", opening next Thursday with one-liner-worthy features like:
*Two stories and 13000sqft of table seating -- though, what's the deal with table seating? You're not sitting on the table! They should call it chair-next-to-a-table seating!
Full digital recording and high-tech broadcast capabilities, meaning you can watch sold-out shows on TVs at the bar upstairs, and may eventually spot yourself in a special on Comedy Central for your favorite stand-up, which is also what your wife does to you every time you two schedule a date, because you get no respect.
*A menu stocked with the likes of BBQ pulled pork sliders and braised short ribs, and two full-service bars, which, if you think are bars that'll also rotate your truck's tires, means you might be a redneck.
*Theme nights like "Gay-Larious" and "Geek Comedy Tour", as well as open mics for you to practice your ready wit -- just let them know if you ever get it ready. Take my wife, please!
*A School of Comedy training center (with morning and afternoon improv classes, and a "Step Up Your Stand-Up" seminar) in-house, where women be all like "let me out of here", while men be all like "let's sit around and play Madden all day".
To start things off with a bang (something your wife hasn't allowed in 42yrs of marriage. Hey!!), the first couple months'll see Def Comedy Jam's Tony Woods, Paul Mooney, DC's own Charles Fleischer, and legend Mr. Dick Gregory as headliners, but thankfully, not more one-liners.