Food & Drink

Antelope, gator tails, and more crazy game in Bayview-Hunters Point

Explorers in search of great discoveries must be willing to travel to the ends of the Earth, like Magellan, who sailed to Indonesia for Europe's most coveted spices, or Columbus, who crossed the Atlantic in search of a politically incorrect day off. Chart your ship for Bayview for the glorious bounty of meat, at Polarica Game Exchange

Beside some old train tracks and a gravel road right outside the HP (son!), Polarica's your carnivorous dream come true: a warehouse stocked to the rafters with all manner of fresh, hard-to-find wild game and more (sold at rock-bottom prices), fronted by a taxidermy-heavy storefront that's unattended half the time because its proprietors are in back with the meat, so bring your cell phone (um, seriously). Once in, you'll spy a whiteboard with a huge "Furred Game" section (all kinds of saddle/tenderloin/rib/etc cuts of venison, antelope, buffalo, caribou, wild boar...), plus "Reptiles", which range from whole pythons, to frog legs, to chunky gator tails, best aided by a '97 Frost Grape. Winged inventory includes the likes of whole African pheasants, Cali-grown Muscovy ducks, and free-range turkeys, while under "White Meat" you'll find suckling pigs, milk-fed veal, Sonoma baby lamb, and kid goat (American Bahahahad Ass?).

If you're really feeling it, grab some kangaroo haunch or an ostrich egg, or, if you're playing it cool, opt for a tin of Beluga Malossol caviar or some fresh Moulard foie gras, the most coveted of all gras, unless your ship's charted for New Orleans to barter beads for boobs.