Since your training for this year's marathon consisted of thinking briefly about training for this year's marathon, we've devised a more palatable solution than actually doing it; just stick to this plan, and you'll come out sated with delicious foodstuffs, firewater, and, much like the runners, the warm feeling that can only come from peeing while in transit.
Starting Point: Audubon Circle
838 Beacon St, at Arundel; 617.421.1910
Begin your day across from the An Tua Nua college madness w/ freshly rolled-out grub/drinks from Circle, like 22 oz Sapporos, a pressed ribeye sandwich, crab cakes, and a Kobe beef hot dog, once again a championship-caliber snack thanks to a little Gasol.
Mile Checkpoint: Eastern Standard
528 Commonwealth Ave, at Kenmore; 617.532.9100
Slow jog over to ES's "Absolut Mile to Go" Patio Bar for spicy Absolut bloodies, Harpoon UFO & IPA, and special handheld foods like soft shell crab poboys and house-stuffed grilled kielbasa. Wonder while chewing how they jammed all the sheetrock and carpeting in there.
Home Stretch: Dillon's
955 Boylston St, at Dalton; 617.421.1818
The back patio'll be open, serving up buckets of Bud, Buffalo chicken pizzas, and Angus sliders w/ fried onion strings; they'll also be giving away 100 custom marathon t-shirts, a collector's item you'll be so excited about, you'll immediately forget it on the T.
Finish Line: Vox Populi
755 Boylston St, btw Fairfield and Exeter; 617.424.8300
Finish strong at the voice of the people, where they'll be passing complimentary hors d'oeuvres, plus "Marath-Omelets" (roasted red pepper, cheddar, Spanish onion, shredded potato), and "creatively" named cocktails like the Finish Line Mojito, Marathontini, and The Heartbreak, a Godiva Chocolate liqueur/vodka/Chambord concoction named after the hill, not the sensation you'll feel when your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend catches you drinking one.
Cool Down: KO Prime
90 Tremont St, at Hamilton; 617.772.0202
Celebrate your strong showing by dropping $25 for all-you-can-eat prime rib from USDA Choice cattle, which'll be borderline cannibalism, considering the similarity of your grazing and exercise habits.