Americans don't like to be kept waiting, as evidenced by fast food, and the film Can't Hardly Wait, which was about Americans. No longer testing that theory/our patience, Stoddard's Fine Food & Ale, finally opening Thursday. Located in the historic 142-year-old Stoddard's Fine Cutlery building, the seemingly-forever delayed gastropub/saloon is finally rolling out its American comfort fare alongside a girthy list of beers/ales and pre-Prohibition era cocktails in a 70-seat exposed brick space decorated with vintage artifacts, antique five-globe streetlamps, a towering 30-foot carved/columned mahogany bar lined w/ 25 beer taps, and even a one-chair shoe shine, so Joe Pesci doesn't need to leave the place to get his shine box, because we know what kind of trouble that leads to! Entrees include a calvados-glazed/apple butter-sauced mushroom stuffed quail served w/ quail egg sausage and chestnut bread pudding; smoked ham grits and chanterelle mushrooms with a grilled Berkshire pork tenderloin; and a mousse-stuffed boneless rabbit wrapped in prosciutto w/ stewed prunes, whose state is understandable, considering they weren't even asked to be wrapped in prosciutto. Drinkswise, the 80+ beer/cask ale list includes obscure US-brews like Oskar Blues' Ten Fidy American Imperial Stout, Boulder Mojo Risin' Double IPA, and Radeberger Pilsner; they've also got cocktails from Jerry Thomas' 1868 book How to Mix Drinks, like the Last Word (Tanqueray 10 gin, Luxardo Maraschino, Green Chartreuse, and lime), and The Deal Breaker, which involves Wild Turkey 101, Campari, Grand Marnier, and Amaro Montenegro, and a weird fascination with its mother. For small eats to accompany your beverage, there're deviled eggs, marinated olives, and a pot of pickles to go with aged Gouda and cask ale pudding; and, though not yet open, the downstairs will be a speakeasy for member's only -- because the only person who hates waiting more than an American, is an American member.