This is the singular piece of goodness you will get this week. Ensure enjoyment of the New Year and ration it wisely...
Culture: Despite the fact that most of them were of proper age, the disgruntled bouncer wrote them off quickly, mostly due to the unbelievable photo on one lad's ID, and because he was less than enthused by the ruffians' self-titled "comic opinions".
Food/Drink: Even though a phenomenon common in Texas, the celebrity chef still couldn't understand how the tornado had caused water to soak his Fry Daddy, making him wonder if God was catering to the needs of his chief rival, Jimmy Dean.
Gear: Looking out at the street, sale items were strewn everywhere; apparently the proprietor had shook up a leathery Amish craftsman.
Services: The rented haywagon made for an incredibly sick ride, which was a shame, because the rickety drive offered total access to just about anything they wanted.
Gadgets: Although they were showcasing the latest water sport technology and standing knee-deep in a specially designed pool, the scientists sharply object to being called water technicians.
Events: Just because no one can drink at the New Year's party, doesn't mean the dude in the "I Like It Hot" turtleneck and fedora has a right to start needling people for information.