From Serengeti big-game hunters out for sweet tusk, to Florida big-game rednecks out to wrassle gators, man's epic struggles with beast are the most primal display of our humanity -- but who wants to drive all day to see it? This Monday, witness the drama in your own backyard, with California Bullfighting. CBF's a traveling league of Portuguese-style "bloodless" bullfighting (animals don't die, humans may), and in three days they're setting up shop in Stevinson, just an hour south of SF. Aside from massive bulls with massive bollocks, the cast of characters includes fighters on horseback in 18th century 'guese garb (cavaleiros), handsome gold-sequined matadors, and, to subdue the charging bull, a team of 8 brawny forcados whose looks are beyond the power of sequins to salvage. Your job is simple: drink beer, eat hot dogs, hamburgers, and porkchops, chuck roses into the ring when a performer's done well, and "do not stand up or run around" as "doing so will distract the bull and could result in serious injuries to either the performers or the crowds in the stands" (seriously, the bull will come for your ass). In the event you need more info than the website provides, be warned: the venue fields endless calls from PETA, and so has adopted the strategy of pretending not to know English, setting the stage for yet another epic struggle -- you vs. foreign language on telephone.