If you don't have Monday off and need time to properly observe Christopher Columbus' nautical wanderings, play hooky like a pro: Call-in-sick.com.
CIS is a free new service that allows you to pre-record and dispatch a "sick" message from anywhere, anytime: Simply dial the number listed on the site and record your cough-laden excuse. Hit "1" to re-record your message as many times as you want. Once you've got the perfect cop out, send a test to your voicemail to make sure you sound sufficiently contagious. After you're satisfied with your phlegmliness, punch in your boss's phone number, and select the time you wish the message to be sent. You'll get a text message when it's delivered, so you can turn the alarm off and peacefully sleep through your Queen Isabella Sambuca Bomb hangover until noon.
Remember that CIS only works if your boss has a direct line that goes into his voicemail. Of course, schedule the call early enough so nobody will answer -- 5 a.m. is a great time for most offices, but a poor time if you work dawn patrol at a pig farm. So, take the next couple of days to perfect your "diarrhea voice", or your boss will call your bluff and force you to come to work still wearing your elegant Santa Maria costume.