Smash Putt

The rise of extreme sports has brought us everything from the street luge to the XFL, but in doing so has raised a very important question about our society: where's the Xtreme mini-golf? Boldly saying "Yes!" to that question, Smash Putt: Miniature Golf Apocalypse. For the next three weekends, Hazard Factory (the industrial artists behind Power Tool Races) is bringing mechanized mayhem to putt-putt, filling an empty art gallery with at least 9 awesomely malicious holes intent on "taking art off the the walls and sticking it under your balls". Maddening high-tech trickery abounds on holes like "Carney", where you must place your ball on a 4ft automated steel Ferris wheel by first putting into a levitating air column; the Y-shaped, robot-governed "Why?" with two holes that alternately disappear into the Astroturf; and "French Roulette", whose 5ft rotating wheel is powered by a life-size scooter straddled by your opponents, whose access to the throttle, brake, headlights and air-horn gives them plenty of ammo to engage in what Hazard terms "polite dickery", and you'll term..."polite dickery", because hey, cool euphemism. Further frustration ranges from "Foosball", where failing to avoid rows of automated little men lands you in 1-,2- or 3-stroke penalty boxes, to an over-the-top final green complete with secret passages, plus an air-ram, circular saw, router, grinder and drill press, guaranteeing "no balls survive" -- totally showing up Bob Barker's years of dedicated campaigning. To steady your stick, there'll be a full bar serving a special concoction from sponsor Bakon Vodka, and plenty of beverage holders at each hole; drink tickets go to the low score in each foursome -- between that and the sweet inebriation of victory, you won't even care that your humiliated friend's glare's making you think, "Damn, He Hate Me".