Your car: Washed. You: Full.

Sure, car washes were fun when you were a kid, rolling you through a dark chasm with all sorts of terrifying brush-monsters attacking your mom's car, but once you grew up, you realized the actually terrifying part was that your mom was driving a LeBaron. Managing to bestow car washes with legitimate fun once more: Auto Spa Bistro.

ASB's your brand-new, all-in-one option for automotive-cleansing, stomach-filling, and (god bless 'em) booze-consuming, ingeniously invented by a guy who's owned several lower-fi car washes before, and calls himself a “serial entrepreneur”, so it's safe to assume he attended Kellogg. Drop off your ride for a full wash and roll inside a mind-blowingly plush, rectangular-chandelier'd lounge with purple velvet walls to take on 8oz Angus burgers, shrimp po' boys, Phillys, and the chili-topped Humvee hotdog, plus all-day breakfast including French toast w/ chicken/turkey sausage, chocolate chip pancakes, and 3-egg omelets like the chicken & veggies Audi, which'll ensure nobody leaves this place with a Saab story. While you’re feasting, your whip'll be treated to $15 basic cleans (trucks're $25), which come with a free appetizer, plus more in-depth washes that also include vacuum and tire shine, which come bundled with a free entree and two sides for just $30 total; they also do other services like window-tinting and dent-pulling, although why anyone would want to make out with Harvey after half his face got melted is anyone's guess.

If you're just looking for a libation while you wait, plop down on the waiting area's lavender/white faux-gator couch to enjoy domestic/imported beers, all manner of spirits, and even Champagne, all of which mom must've been drinking in order to be confused enough to think she was buying a classy French ride.