Let's be honest: the best automobiles are the ones that take you from point A to point XXX. The sexy backseat rendezvous is one the finest perks of car ownership, even more so than trips to Denny's and singing along with those 10 CDs you still have lying around. Everyone remembers the first car they had sex in -- and what a mess it was: dirty seats, tight spaces, shifters in places shifters should never be. Ford actually just concluded a study with YourTango that revealed that 57% of Americans had either their first sexual experience, first time to say "I love you," or first breakup (or maybe all three in one night?) in their car.
Based on a strenuous obstacle course of car-coitus criteria, including the interior space, comfort, and design, these are 10 cars that are perfect for automobile-based intercourse -- the best kind of intercourse there is... except for the kind that happens at weddings.
If getting all weird in a tight spot isn't your style, you've got to go the classic Ford route. Throw an air mattress in the bed of the truck, or a sleeping bag made for two, and start, um, bouncing the suspension? Make sure you bring condoms that are built Ford tough.
As an alternative to the truck bed, try a vehicle that's infamous for having seats that fold all the way down. Honestly, what other benefits are there for seats that fold all the way down? Unless you live in your car... which is a huge bummer and means you're probably not going to find anyone to have sex with you in your car anytime soon.
Mercedes-Benz CLS63 AMG Shooting Brake
The insane amount of trunk space in the Shooting Brake is perfect for any number of scenarios, from a surplus of grocery bags to writhing naked bodies. All "junk in the trunk" jokes aside, the backside of this Mercedes makes for a killer pseudo-bed for discreet sex -- if you're into the whole discretion scene. Bonus: 557hp helps you get to a desolate area that much faster.
The wide, luxurious, and thoroughly padded additional space in the front seat was originally pitched as a safety feature so people could easily tuck and roll during a collision. But that added capacity was more than perfect for an in-car nooner in the driver's seat. What else would you expect from a designer that also gave us flying saucers?
The element of luxury is one often overlooked during an auto-centric bang-o-rama -- that's more than enough reason to go old school with the Rolls-Royce. Sure, your grandpa might've had one (and his grandpa), but you shouldn't let that old-man smell dissuade you from getting all weird in the back. Fun fact you shouldn't think about mid-deed: R-R only uses bulls for leather, because a pregnant female gets stretch marks, which is bad for the seats. Plus, have you ever sat on leather naked? It's sublime.
Finally, a way to drive a Prius that doesn't put you on the same level as dudes who wear socks with sandals -- not that there's anything wrong with that. The Prius makes the cut for its unique ability to creep through neighborhoods without sound or suspicion -- i.e., the perfect post-coital getaway car. Nobody expects the Toyota Prius.
2015 FIAT 500c
Maybe you're not fucking in cars for convenience, maybe you're doing it in the hope of getting caught in a public place. If that's the case, the 500c convertible is an exhibitionist's dream ride. You see how wide that top opens? Even an astronaut could spot the depravity happening in the back of this Italian devil -- now that's doing exhibition correctly.
Airstream Interstate Grand Tour
Airstream owners are lucky, because every single time they have sex, it's done on wheels. The Grand Tour gives you a fold-out sleeper sofa, shower, TV, and microwave* in a small(ish) vehicle, meaning you can bone all over this thing and then watch You've Got Mail after.
*And curtains, for the not-in-a-FIAT crowd
For the hardcore, perverted, thrill-seeking law-breakers who want to get their groove on whilst in motion, the clear choice will someday be the Rinspeed XchangE. While still in concept mode, this self-driving and highly modified Tesla will allow passengers and drivers alike to do whatever they damn well please as they cruise down the highway worry-free. You know -- read, chat, play games, do hand-stuff, whatever. The future is coming soon.
Jeeps are vehicles par excellence for the couple who will move mountains to make volcanos explode with molten passion. It's rugged and customizable, sure, but it's on this list for the stain-proof rubber floors and a set of doors you can legally remove -- which totally ups your horizontal game.