15. Drive a two-seater sports car.
"Two-seat sports cars are for smug, prematurely balding middle-aged guys...They are what Jettas are to teenage girls. These people act like it's a privilege, but nobody wants to drive their stupid car.
Any valet who has worked for more than a week has driven something much more exciting. The only silver lining to parking some guy's sports car is his date/wife's inevitable look of embarrassment when he makes some dick-ish remark that's related to Ferris Bueller."