Way better than Dale Sveum's Third Base Coaching Adventure

Published On 01/24/2012 Published On 01/24/2012

Because the chicks on those calling cards in the bathroom shouldn't be the only ones in Sin City who know how to get in pole position, Dale Jarrett's bringing his racing school to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, freeing up space in its busy schedule of shredding tracks in Charlotte, Atlanta, Kentucky, and Texas to give Vegas visitors a go, and capitalize on the heavily populated intersection of "people who like NASCAR" and "people who can afford to rent one". Your day of fun starts with a 30min driver's meeting, which, in spite of NASCAR being considered a "sport", is apparently all the time you'll need for a don't-crash course covering the cars, track, and "everything else you'll need to know" before being thrown out on the course in a Ford dually to learn how to enter the speedway, enter/exit the pits, and find the proper racing groove, because whatever's in your heart would just lead to a Deee-saster. After all the rigmarole, you'll get behind the wheel of a car that's seen actual Sprint Cup competition, hitting speeds of up to 170mph while your certified-instructor-passenger helps you take advantage of other DJ-exclusive perks like learning how to pass other cars, possibly jeopardizing their DJ-exclusive "100% safety record". As for the packages, low-ballers can squeeze four laps out of a few hundred dollars, while those with a bit more scratch can run up to 60 laps, and ol' Dale will even be on hand on select dates to run 20 laps with participants, meaning the chicks on those calling cards won't be the only ones in Sin City gambling with their lives.