The 15 Worst Things You Can Say To A Car Guy
I’m a car guy. Anyone that knows me will tell you that. And given the chance, I'll talk about anything and everything related to cars, driving, automotive history, and the like, for hours on end. That said, there are a few key phrases that you should never say to me. This list is a handy reference guide to just what those exact phrases are.
1. That’s a girl’s car
First off, that’s sexist and you should be ashamed of yourself. Second, congratulations, you’ve just told us you have virtually zero automotive knowledge. You wanna know what the original “girl's car” was? The Mustang. It was actually marketed as a car for young secretaries.
2. You should've gotten a...
Fact: The only time car guys buy the wrong car is when they listen to someone else.
3. That little ding? You can barely see it.
Sure, if it were your car you’d never notice it. I care about my car and take excellent care of it day in and day out. I'll notice that scratch every single day.
4. It’s just a car
I think the best way to explain this is to look at the difference between a house and a home. There’s an intangible involved that makes it more than the sum of the raw materials. Sure it’s an inanimate object, but there’s still the emotional attachment.
5. What kind of mileage does that get?
If you’re talking to a guy driving a hybrid, this is acceptable. If you’re talking to someone with a performance or vintage car, you’ll likely come across as condescending by pointing out the one area of the car that sucks.
6. Everyone that drives a _____ is overcompensating
There’s no denying that some people might be. There are, however, plenty of people driving cars and trucks solely because they love something about the car itself.
7. Cars are like dishwashers; they're just tools
Yep. But is your dishwasher also your therapist and stress relief valve? If it suddenly quits working, are you in potentially grave danger? Didn't think so.
8. I hate long drives
Cool! I'll count you out on the next big road trip.
9. Oh, it's not fully loaded?
No, of course not. Options are right for some people. To others, they’re a lot of weight that end up ruining a car's fun factor.
10. Is it fast?
Maybe. What do you define as fast? Unless we know each other, I really don’t have the time to go into this with you.
11. Love those. I used to have one.
Of course you did. Just like everyone’s been to a no hitter, everyone’s owned all the cool cars. Back it up immediately with insider details, or leave it at the original compliment, which is always welcome.
12. You shouldn’t let emotion weigh into your decision
Telling a car guy to buy a car without letting emotion factor into it is like suggesting that a “normal person” buy a house without taking curb appeal into the decision. Do you want to know what happens when a car guy buys an emotionless car? He sells it six months later.
13. I’d rather get an SUV because it’s safer
Really? Did you do any research at all before buying? Don’t worry about all the hearsay you’ve been told, watch it with your own eyes.
14. How much horsepower does that have?
Rather than skipping all the steps, ask what's been done to it. Do you want to make an impression? Ask something more nuanced, like how much it weighs, and what the balance is like.
15. Can I drive it?
F*ck no! If I was comfortable letting you drive it, I'd offer, and toss you the keys.
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