Certified Virgin

Since nothing says "I'm a man!" like categorically refusing sex, get your/other peoples' purity officially documented for just a buck: you'll get emailed a print-outable semi-legit-looking certificate w/ your name, a unique serial number, a "gold seal", and a brief declaration of your virginity, all made totally legit with a signature from none other than Woodrow Wilson, the mastermind behind the League of Frustrations.