They always say you can't teach old dogs new tricks, but those dogs never got locked up at Cook County Jail. Meet some that have, at Felony Franks.
Set to open Monday, Felony Franks is a classic Chi hot dog stand with an old fashioned moveable menu board, laminated specials on the walls, picnic tables out back and adorably cartoonish jailbird wiener art, staffed by formerly incarcerated folks looking to get back on their feet and learn a thing or two about business, sans the risk of Tom Cruise dancing in tighty-whiteys. Tactfully named classics available with the standard fixins include the Misdemeanor Wiener, the Felony Frank (a jumbo), the Pardon Polish, the Court Ordered Combo (Italian beef and sausage), or even just a simple Solitary Sausage, aka your Saturday night. Continuing the subtle prison-theme are side dishes like Mobster Mozzarella Sticks, Mistrial Fried Mushrooms, Convicted Cheese Fries, and Confession Chili, an accurate name, seeing how it totally spilled the beans.
To maintain law and order on the customers, they're also posting a specific ordering procedure: "Plea my case" means you're ready to order, while "serve my time" means eating in, and "out on good behavior" dictates a to-go order, new nomenclature that proves you can teach old dogs new tricks, even if it makes them look like a quivering bunch of ... cats.