Get a 3-day Trial from Equinox

Three days can change your life -- otherwise, wouldn't that new Russell Crowe movie be called The Next Eight Months, Six if We're Lucky? Change your life dramatically, with a 3-day trial membership at Equinox.

Equinox offers everything the modern man needs to help him treat his body like a temple, but not like Temple, because that place is constantly being defaced by zany fraternity pranks. Staffed by personal trainers who've all graduated from the proprietary Equinox Fitness Training Institute, and loaded with cutting-edge equipment, Equinox is wholly committed to workouts as innovative as they are challenging, like the Dirty Dozen: 12 exercises x 12 reps, for a session as intense as Telly Savalas was bald baller. You'll also enjoy amenities like chilled eucalyptus towels during workouts, Kiehl's products in the locker room, and the Spa, where relaxation reaches heights not seen since Frankie Went To Hollywood, only to go back to England after one album.

To start your 3-day trial, just sign up at equinox.com, and soon you'll be counting out reps instead of sitting in a dark theater, devouring candy and counting Crowes.