The Stretch

Theoretically, the 7th inning stretch is about pumping up fans through song, but in reality, it's about rushing to grab a last-chance beer, realizing you should probably pee out your old beer, then grabbing one more to replace the one you drank while peeing. For a place where they don't shut down the taps cruelly early, hit The Stretch, grand opening next Friday

From the peeps behind Cortland's Garage and Goodbar, Stretch is a two-room, exposed brick & cedar plank Cubbie bar & grill sported-up with 13 fat flatscreens and framed photos of Chi celebs (Eddie Vedder, Vince Vaughan, Bill Murray, Dick Butkus, "Butthead"-jersey'd Kevin Butler) doing their worst Harry Caray impersonation. The sauce comes in the form of six draft lines (312, Bell's Oberon, Fat Tire...), 20+ cans/bottles from Hacker-Pschorr to Mad Hatter IPA, and 10 cocktails ranging from classic yet out-of-place mojitos to the Maker's/SoCo/Captain-fueled "Knickerbocker" -- served in 16oz or 32oz mason jars, so you know it's good. Fresh-never-frozen comfort grub includes Panko breaded-deep & fried-mac 'n cheese balls w/ bacon-cheddar centers, short rib three bean chili, the bacon-wrapped/cheese-stuffed "Opening Day Dog", and eight 8oz burgers named after area streets (the smoked Gouda & BBQ-sauced "Waveland Avenue") and baseball terminology, e.g., the buttermilk-bunned, ground southern fried chicken number dubbed the "South Paw", sure to inspire cries of "Fukudome that's tasty!"

Unlike many Cubs bars, Stretch's specials are good even during games: Thursday's "Fiesta Night" brings $4 nachos/$4 Cuervo Silver Shots/$3 Coronas; Sunday means $5 32oz bloodys & 2-for-1 shots that rotate hourly; Monday's 50cent wings/$2 Bud & BL bottles; and Tuesday's "Ladies Night" offers half-off selected booze and food -- a perfect opportunity for you to rush around to find one more woman to replace the one you lost while peeing.