Michael Militano Wing Chun Kung-Fu

Sure, things seem relatively normal today, but if New York reverts to a 1970s crime-pocalypse, soon you'll be getting mugged by everyone from resurgent LES junkies, to that guy you're pretty sure you treadmilled next to at Crunch. Prepare for all comers, at Michael Militano's Wing Chun Academy.Designed to provide maximal defense for even the girliest practitioner, Wing Chun was originally developed by a Buddhist nun to help a young woman rebuff a warlord's sexual advances, then later incorporated into Bruce Lee's arsenal to rebuff Chuck Norris's sexual advances. Militano, a 30-year "sifu", runs his operation on the 5th floor of a charmingly dilapidated Chinatown tenement; trained by a 10th generation grandmaster, he just recently retired from his doorman job, where he honed his skills against hordes of restaurant menu-wielding marauders. He'll teach you to fend off any fighting style -- from boxing, to karate, to hurled garbage cans -- starting with basic balance, elbows-in fighting stance, and the forearm-to-forearm "sticking hands" technique; dedicated students progress through Chum Kiu (elbow and knee strikes) and Biu Jee (recovery after loss of balance), then move on to the Muk Yan Jong, a wooden dummy w/ one leg and three "arms" -- like the chick from Total Recall, though less likely to make you hit "pause".For more advanced students, MM'll train you in Wing Chun's two weapons forms: Butterfly Knives, and Luk Sim Boon Kwun, or "Six and a Half Point Pole" -- a weapon so ferocious looking, you'll be left unmolested to use it for its other purpose, raking change out of fountains.