BETA Academy

Sure, the personal trainers at your gym can help you look buff and beautiful, but can they teach you to choke the life out of people you secretly despise, like the personal trainers at your gym? Learn artful violence from a MMAster, at BETA Academy.

Recently founded by a mixed-martial arts vet (nickname: "The Sly Thai") who's warred against some of the UFC's biggest names, BETA today moves into a bigger, better, and more badass new home: 2900sqft of continuous mat space, all manner of mutilation-ready bags, and a soon-to-arrive actual half-cage, all housed in the basement of an active church about to see a dramatic rise in utterances of "please God help me". Beginners can start nice and slow, with low-contact classes focusing on Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, or semi-private instruction in Thailand's elbow-/knee- striking national sport, Muay Thai (suck on that, table tennis). As students become more comfortable with the individual styles, they can begin to assimilate them and prepare for eventual competition in cage-based, full-on MMA classes, with an added emphasis on endurance training and "Cage Strategy" -- which involves using the cage offensively, working the angles, and Knowing.

To celebrate their new home, BETA's offering prospective students a completely free week of training, allowing you to indulge your Thai-curiousness while avoiding the thing you not-so-secretly despise: paying for stuff.