11 Simple Home Hacks That Will Keep Your Significant Other From Leaving You
Romance is a hell of a lot like tug of war—it's a back-and-forth battle of strength and strategy, it usually happens at summer camp, and all too often one person gets burned when it's all said and done. These 11 home hacks take little effort, and if done correctly, might just save your relationship.
11. Organize that messy junk drawer
A clean life is a clear life—and the best way to cleanse your clutter is to organize it in a way that will please your other half. Head to Home Depot and pick up a bunch of 55 cent lathes, and adhere them together with a few pinches of superglue. Your significant other is bound to appreciate that level of craftiness and your knack for home organization.
10. A bag of vinegar will clean out old shower heads
Your old shower a little rusty and clogged? No worries! Just pour some vinegar into a ziplock bag, wrap it around the shower head with a clip or zip tie, and prove to her mother that taking out that second mortgage to buy this house wasn't "the worst financial decision we could ever make." A little vinegar goes a long way, Rosemary!
9. Use 7 Up to make your flowers last longer
Believe it or not, a little 7 Up in your flower pot can increase the life of those flowers you bought after she got back from staying with her sister for a few weeks. Can 7 Up also improve the clear lack of communication? Doesn't matter! Everything is going fine in your life.
8. Use newspapers to clean your windows, so everyone can clearly see how happy you both are
Using newspaper instead of rags or paper towels will give your windows a streak-free shine. Let the whole neighborhood see how well everything is going for you guys...you have nothing to hide. Just keep smiling and fake it 'til you make it!
7. Turn those piles of empty alcohol bottles into pleasant wall decor
There sure have been a lot of empty wine bottles laying lately. Oh well! More fun for the home. You can reappropriate those little casks of sorrow into something beautiful, like wall vases. Just get a few plumbing clamps, screw them into some wall mounts, and think positive thoughts about the future.
6. A slice of bread will safely pick up broken glass that shattered...totally accidentally
Frequently finding broken glass all over your kitchen floor? It's no big deal! Grab a slice of Wonderbread to safely and efficiently pick up any stray shards that might be lingering on the tiles, it's sure to catch more than simply sweeping. She claims the glass slipped. She definitely didn't throw it at your head. You know how clumsy people are after half a bottle of Pinot. Accidents happen, right? Right?!?
5. Put a quick stop to those squeaky hinges
There's nothing worse than being awoken in the middle of the night by the sounds of your S.O. sneaking out to the garage. So put a stop to those squeaky hinges and get some decent sleep! Grab a can of WD40, and grease up those hinges so the haunting echoes of her recurring departures remain silent.
4. Pool noodles on your garage wall will keep bumpers scratch-free
Jeez, you're not sure where she goes every night, but she sure is in a hurry! Screw some pool noodles to the sides of your garage to make sure those bumpers don't pick up any more unseemly scratches.
3. An old tissue box can be a receptacle for used tissues if you have a cold...or uncontrollable bouts of crying
Brian's Song was on TV, and you saw a picture of your first dog, and you have really bad allergies this time of year, okay?! Anyway, to make this handy disposal device, just get a rubber band, an empty box of tissues, and...aw, forget it. You know, this is all her mother's fault, she never liked you! She never even gave you a chance!
2. Call her mother
"Put her on the phone, Rosemary. I know she's there, I can hear her. Who else is there? Is that Phil?! F*cking Phil?! I KNEW IT!"
1. Board every exit to your home, make departure impossible
The guys at the hardware store called you crazy when you bought all that lumber. Well, who's crazy now?!