One of the many perks of living in the year 2015 is the realistic possibility of reaching age 100. We’ve got modern medicine, competent doctors, and helpful apps to help us keep an iron clasp on life, which is leaps and bounds more than we had even 20 years ago.
While today's 115-year-olds became centenarians thanks in part to their magical DNA, they also hit that number because they lived better than anyone else. Since we don't think you should have to spend a night seducing one of them into telling you their precious life hacks, we've collected 10 of their choicest tips and tricks you can adopt yourself and hit 200. Because that could be possible in 2100.
Interestingly, some of them conflict. It's up to you to decide who's right and who's senile.
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1. Have a scotch or two
Samuel Ball, who’s past the century mark and still truckin', reveals the secret to his long life is booze and boobs. “Have a good wife, two Scotches a night, and be easy-going.” But, duh, I could’ve told you that.
2. Have a sense of humor
Emiliano Mercado, who—at age 115—was the world's oldest person for six weeks, attributed his long life to his sense of humor. Mercado also credited his longevity to funche, a boiled corn, codfish and milk cream-like dish. Up until his last days, Mercado was telling jokes and anecdotes about his life and probably choking down funche, which sounds terrible but is probably delicious.
3. Don't stop partying
Call me crazy, but it seems a little unlikely that a diet of port wine, chocolate, cigarettes, and olive oil could lead to a long life—but how else could you explain Jeanne Louise Calment’s 122 years on earth? 122 years! Jesus! Reportedly Calment would rub olive oil on her skin and—no joke—released a CD entitled “Time’s Mistress” where she reminisced about her life to a score of rap. You just can’t make this shit up.
4. Morning whiskey and honey
Fred Hale, who died at age 112, credited his long life to the “bee pollen and honey that he ate each day, along with the occasional nip of whiskey in the morning.” He was also a huge Red Sox fan and even lived long enough to see them win the World Series—no word on whether or not the shock of Boston winning killed the ol’ fella.
5. Eat raw fish and have a good mattress
Eating sushi and getting a full eight hours of undisturbed shut-eye is the golden ticket, according to Misao Okawa, who was the fifth person to hit 117. “Eat and sleep and you will live a long time,” she told the Daily Mail in 2014. Additionally, “You have to learn to relax.” Frankie was right all along. Stress is a killer.
6. Enjoy the occasional cigar
Despite the warnings of the Surgeon General and pretty much every single person on this green earth, 115-year-old Christian Mortensen didn’t think moderate smoking was that bad for you. Mortensen advocated living a “good, clean life” and smoking the occasional fiiiiiiiiine Danish cigar...in moderation, of course. Clearly, that's one of the big themes here.
7. Eat as much bacon as you possibly can
Hearing bacon keeps you alive is like finding out Santa Claus is real and is in a highly sexual relationship with the Tooth Fairy. In any event, a 2013 article by Time profiled 105-year-old Pearl Cantrell who reportedly loves bacon and eats it every day. That's real bacon, not turkey bacon.
8. Don’t drink or smoke...ever
All those things in the aforementioned list about going nuts and drinking whiskey and smoking cigarettes? Forget it, says Tomoji Tanabe, who died at age 113. He accredited his long life to his will to live and his abstention from tobacco and alcohol. 113 years sober? I couldn’t even make it a month.
9. Eat smaller portions of food
According to Jiroemon Kimura, the Japanese supercentenarian who made it to 115 years and 253 days, eating small portions of food led to his incredibly long life. Kimura would reportedly a diet of rice, pumpkins and sweet potatoes. According to local media, Kimura practiced the “hara hachi bu,” which means eating until one is 80 percent full.
10. Smoke to your heart’s content
It seems nearly impossible that a diet like this could actually keep somebody alive, but 101-year-old Dorothy Howe has smoked nearly half a million cigarettes in her life. “I put my health down to whisky and cigarettes," she says, to the disbelief of the Surgeon General. "My doctor said I wouldn’t be alive without them.” No word on whether or not Dorothy Howe is an actual human being or a robot designed by Philip Morris.
Jeremy Glassis a staff writer for Supercompressor and is the kid to the far right in this photo. What a time to be alive!