Is there a man with as much class, style, and grey hair as George Clooney? No. He's the original silver fox who has as much wisdom and poise as the bat suit from Batman & Robin had nipples. The man dispenses life lessons as fast as he dispenses tequila and is the ultimate spirit guide to lead you to a life of eternal bachelorhood...that stops being eternal as soon as you meet a beautiful human rights lawyer.
Breathe in these 17 vital life lessons and spend the rest of the afternoon on a yacht, if you've got one nearby.
1. "Having 'Oscar winner' on your tombstone is a great thing."
2. "It's not about an opening weekend. It's about a career, building a set of films you're proud of. Period."
3. "90 percent of films are pretty mediocre, but they have a built-in audience and open on 3,000 screens."
4. "When you're young you believe it when people tell you how good you are. And that's the danger, you inhale. Everyone will tell you you're a genius, which you are not, and if you understand that, you win."
5. "It's possible for me to make a bad movie out of a good script, but I can't make a good movie from a bad script."
6. "Directors are the captains of the ship, and it's your job as the lead actor to make sure that the rest of the cast understands that by doing whatever he says."
7. "You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak.”
8. "You don't want to try to look younger, because you'll look wrong. You dye your hair, you look wrong. You wear a bad toupee, you look wrong. You wear makeup to hide things, you get your eyes done, you look wrong."
9. "Directing is really exciting. In the end, it's more fun to be the painter than the paint."
10. "An acting career usually has a shelf life of about 10 years before people get sick of seeing you.”
11. "People know everything about everybody now."
12. "You can only get so far without discernible talent."
13. "Here're your options: live long enough to watch your friends die, or die young."
14. "I think it's the most responsible thing you can do, to have kids."
15. "You can't legislate good taste."
16. "Growing old on screen is not for the faint of heart."
17. "I watch Batman & Robin from time to time. It's the worst movie I ever made, so it's a good lesson in humility."
Jeremy Glass is Supercompressor's staff writer who legitimately saw Batman & Robin in theaters twice.