Food & Drink

The Craziest Boozy Gifts to Buy on SkyMall

SkyMall

SkyMall, the novelty shopping catalog that inspired countless Tumblr blogs, memes and a cult-like following, may not actually be in the sky anymore, but you can still order from their wonderfully weird collection of goods online. While we’re definitely adding this life-size growling black bear statue ($2,325) to our shopping cart, we’re especially obsessed with their selection of booze-related products—from alcohol-themed board games to whimsical bottle holders to insane serving tables. Here, the craziest boozy gifts to buy for the drinking aficionado and rabid SkyMall fan on your list.

Christmas Lights

Choose from tropical cocktails ($32), classy Tuscan wine bottles ($32) or foaming beer mugs ($24) to deck your halls this year. Hang these festive Christmas lights in the window so your neighbors know where to stop by for the best holiday party in town.

Light-up Glassware

Give a boring highball some pizzaz by serving one up in these LED glasses ($10), which you can set to light up in one of six colors, or fade in and out like a rainbow. Or, break out the bubbly for these Champagne flutes ($40) whose light-up colors are activated when the glasses come into contact with liquid—perfect for New Year’s Eve celebrations or just someone who prefers to drink their sparkling in the dark.

Beer Can Safe

According to SkyMall, “Burglars spend less than six minutes inside a victim’s home and only have time to check the most obvious places for valuables.” A beer can safe ($26) would be the last place any invader would check—unless they were an avid SkyMall reader, of course, or someone with a taste for Miller High Life.

Robot Wine Box

Pardon us, we meant “Robox.” This adorable wooden robot ($25) can’t actually serve you your wine, but he will hide it from thirsty roommates.

Wine-Opoly

It’s Monopoly for vino lovers! Make your way around the boardgame ($38) acquiring fine wines, but avoid serving faux pas or risk getting sent to jail. The best part? You can choose between playing as a mini cork, bottle, cheese, glass, grapes or carafe. Dibs on the cheese.

Cocktail Recipe Playing Cards

This double deck of playing cards ($30) features recipes for 54 rum, vodka, gin and whiskey cocktails, plus 54 tequila, brandy, liqueur and sparkling wine cocktails. Use them in a drinking game like King’s Cup, or draw randomly from the deck if you’re ever stumped on what to make.

Glass Holder Hook

Why balance a glass on the arm of a chair when you can clip it onto the side? Affix your stemware onto Adirondack chairs, lawn chairs or camping chairs with this hook ($19)—you’ll maximize your cocktail safety and have more space to rest your arms.

Cocktail Clock

Wake up to Martinis in the morning with this cocktail clock ($37), which displays the time on a cocktail shaker next to an olive-garnished Martini atop a serving tray. Disclaimer: Actual Martinis not included, do not try to drink this clock.

Wine Cork Coaster Set

For $20, you too can stick wine corks into glorified paper clips to create this masterpiece of a coaster.

Bacchus, God of Wine

Praise be unto him ($39).

Cocktail Flag

No, not the cherry-and-orange kind of cocktail flag, a literal flag ($43) brandished with Martinis. Fly your cocktail pride high.

Shiba Inu Koozie

Much wow. Such cool. Plz get me ($19).

Corgi Koozie

The perfect gift for Queen of England and her flock of Corgis.

No but Seriously, There Are so Many Koozie Options

SkyMall sells seemingly every dog breed on a bottle sleeve, along with Chinchillas, angelic pups, shrimp and cat butts.

Metallic Bottle-Holding Characters

Some of our favorite holders ($32) include this mini bartender, this rabbi and Torah, this ancient Persian soldier, this moose who is also a chef, and this owl with a barrel. Why is he holding the barrel? That’s none of your business. Just be grateful he’s also holding your bottle.

Bottle-Chugging Characters

Don’t be afraid, these whimsical creatures aren’t actually chugging your booze—they’re holding it for you. We like this hyper-realistic Pirate ($44), this naughty owl ($28), this rooster who is simply delighted ($40), and this deer who won’t quit the bottle no matter how many times you hold an intervention ($27).

Grand Tiki Sculptural Table

Express your love for wacky tiki mugs by blowing their snarling visages up into full side tables ($146). Choose between “tongue in” and “tongue out” varieties.

Butler Serving Tables

There’s no need to fuss over serving cocktails at your party—leave it to the butler. Whether it’s a creepy severed hand ($232), a human or canine French maid ($184), Francois the Art Deco butler ($150), or Roswell the alien ($118), you can trust them to serve up drinks in style.  

More Creatures Holding Your Booze

We’re obsessed with these creature-themed cocktail serving tables, like Ollie the octopus ($150), the "subservient dragon" ($398), an almost NSFW mermaid ($260), and a happy monkey wearing a fez ($162).
 

Giant Chef Statue  

And they really mean giant. For only $800, this hand-cut statue made from recycled metal is the tin man of your dreams. You can drop money in his mouth like a giant piggy bank, his back can be opened to collect the money, his chest pocket can be used as a business card holder, and his two pockets can be used to hold bottles of alcohol. Now, if he could only open the bottles, he could replace your maître d’.