The love of your life may be sitting on a bar stool this March, waiting for a chance meeting—or not. It’s all written in the stars, Angel Eyedealism, an internationally renowned astrologer in New York, tells me in a warm, incense-filled East Village apartment. There will be complications—Mercury will be in retrograde for three weeks starting on March 22, after all—but for a portion of the population, a night at the bar could turn into much more.
Eyedealism stares at a circular chart blown up across the screen of a Mac monitor on her table. She’s been creating art and practicing astrology (she’s always just a click, call or email away) since 1992. The day before our reading, she met with producers for Jimmy Fallon, and notes from an on-air reading with Fox cover her side table. CBS, she notes, is filming her for NCAA prognostication. But this reading is different, because we need to know one thing and one thing only: Who should look for love in bars in March according to sun sign astrology? Here’s what we learned:
Feb. 19 to March 20
Pisces are “the bar flies,” Eyedealism says, going on to further elaborate that they’re “the saint, the whore, the spirituous debaucher.” It’s a water sign, and water signs tend to be drinkers, in their element at a bar and full of both creativity and destruction.
Venus hovers in each sign for a short period of time, and Pisces is graced with Venus in the first week of the month. Venus inspires art, love, beauty, music and romance, further enhancing Pisces’ abilities at the bar, Eyedealism says.
It’s not all free love, however. “Neptune [is] also in the sign of Pisces, so they have to watch out for the confusion and delusional aspects of Neptune in their sign,” Eyedealism says. “It’s the ruling planet for Pisces.” People will need to be aware of “the confusion and delusion that goes along with Neptune, and the sleaziness of Neptune in their sign.”
At the end of each night, battling between the influences of Venus and Neptune, Eyedealism has one major insight: “They can be saintly or whorish, their choice. Whatever is going to get them into the bedroom.”
March 21 to April 19
Aries is the “racecar driver of the zodiac,” Eyedealism says. They’re fast and furious people who “love a challenge, but if you give in too fast, then it’s game over.” Venus will go from Pisces to Aries on March 6 and stay there until March 30. There’s a much better chance that Aries will find love on a night out during those days, “but Venus in Aries is a war-like placement.”
“The fight before the f*ck,” Eyedealism says. “Nice, mellow sex is disgusting to an Aries. They like it rough and tumble. Biting. They will be having lots of love and sex.”
Aries should also take note that Uranus is in the sign of Aries in March, so accidents can happen and clumsiness should be expected. It also means that sudden insights may occur, so it’s a time for change.
April 20 to May 20
Jupiter in Scorpio is opposite the Taurus sun in the month of March, so Taurus may have to try a little harder until March 31, when Venus passes from Aries to Taurus. There will be many sudden changes, in love and other aspects of life. Uranus is going into the sign of Taurus on May 15 and will stay for seven years.
In general, Tauruses are the least likely to change, but relationships and love are extremely important to them because they’re ruled by Venus.
“They will have plenty of opportunity for sudden hook ups in the next seven years starting around May 15,” Eyedealism says, “but they take too long in the bars otherwise.”
In other words, maybe it’s best to wait it out until April.
May 21 to June 20
Geminis are adept at finding love in bars because, Eyedealism says, “basically they can talk their way out of a brown paper bag, or talk their way into anyone’s bed.”
“Their verbal skills are outmatched only by their oral skills,” Eyedealism says. “Like Sagittarius, they’re very noncommittal. Since Mars is opposite their sun and Sagittarius (in March), they will definitely—well males will—have to hit the Viagra that month.”
June 21 to July 22
“Cancers will definitely be sobbing in their beer at the bar,” Eyedealism says. “They’re total bar flies. They get all emo over their cocktails.”
Things will be going well for Cancers at the beginning of the month when the sun is in Pisces, and Jupiter’s presence is lucky for them as well. But, since Saturn is opposing their sun, “Cancers will have to protect themselves from rejection in March,” Eyedealism says. “But since they’re masochists that’s fine. Great for Scorpios because Scorpios are sadists. They’re made for each other.”
July 23 to August 22
Eyedealism classifies Leos as the attention seeking “braggarts, the loud one at the end of the bar.” They “like to have their posse around them,” and they tend to go after what (or who) they want.
“In later March they have more luck, because when the sun goes into Aries, that’s going to be on the 21st. It’s [a] good association with the Leo energy,” Eyedealism says. Aries, a fire sign like Leo, will bring all the fire signs up because “fire signs ignite the signs of others. Mars is in Sagittarius, stoking their fires. Mars is one of the sexual—the schlong if you will—planets of the zodiac. That’s good for stoking the fires of Leos, Sagittariuses and Aries.”