They Throw a “St. Patty’s Day” Party
Patty is short for Patricia. Paddy is short for Patrick and the correct nickname for the saint. Mixing up the two isn’t a cardinal sin, but it is a sure indicator of a faux pub. We would also accept Pat, Podge and of course Patrick.
The TVs Play the Wrong Kind of Football
Ask the bartender to switch the TV to the football game. If he or she pops over to the Jets game, you’ve got trouble. If the players on the pitch are kicking around a round ball with white and black spots, you’re in the right place. If Gaelic football comes on, check outside to make sure you haven’t somehow magically teleported to Dublin.
They Play the “Wrong” Irish Songs
Authentic Irish music won’t make or break an Irish pub’s cred (as long as the music is quality, we don’t much care if it’s top 40 or Celtic rock), but if the bar plays fake Irish tunes like “Galway Girl” or “The Unicorn Song,” then the DJ (and probably the rest of the staff) is totally unaware of true Irish entertainment. We don’t blame you for skipping the pub with the live band if that’s not your scene, but at least stick to bars that play real Irish drinking songs.
They Serve Irish Car Bombs
Ask for an Irish Car Bomb at a true Irish pub, and you’re as likely to get served a death glare as that offensively monikered Depth Charge. (Ask for one in Ireland and you might be extradited.) The drink is named for a not so glamorous time in Ireland’s recent past, so any bar that serves one without cajoling a grimace from the bartender’s face is a sad excuse for an Irish establishment.